Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have my face crunched down into cold, white earth. What the taste of ice and blood would be like mixed together on my already acidic tongue.  Metallic. Lingering. Thick. If I'd find it in me to get up.  Blister out one more round despite it all. Or if I'd finally stay down. Drift off with the wind. Disappear into the quiet. 

disclaimer + please read

             WARNING: This blog contains sensitive material relating to, but not limited to, abuse, violence, sexual themes, graphic descriptions, mental health disorders, and other potentially triggering subjects.  READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 


A Letter from the Author:

                 Hate me.  Hate it.  It’s not supposed to be pretty, and you probably shouldn’t like it.  At the end of the day, nobody is forcing you to look here.

So if you’re uncomfortable, good. Congratulations on still being human enough to feel something these days. 

I’ll level with you, half of the time I don’t even like reading all of this.  It tears me to shreds.  It’s hard to swallow.  It’s harsh.  It’s unapologetic.  It’s brutal.  But the thing is, it needs to come out and it’s helped others before.

I have spent the better part of the last 15 years remaining anonymous with most of my writing.  I’ve spread it across a multitude of obscure blogs and websites and have had a lot of success with reaching people in doing so.  I’ve amassed a following of about 20,000 people on a lot of those sites separately – a collection of about 70,000 individuals that have never seen my face, on websites that you can’t buy followers or likes for.  Now, most of these sites are being taken down and forgotten about.  Now, most of my writing is being heavily monitored and moderated because of its sensitive nature.  Now, people don’t have the sense of security they felt from being able to relate to someone else.  Now,  people don’t have the same opportunity to find the strength to reach out for help. 

So please, if something here offends you, kindly accept that this may not be for you and move along.  There are others out there that need to see that they aren’t alone.  Please don’t take that from them just because you don’t like the words I strung together one day.  This is not about you.  This is not personal.  This is simply my outlet.

I did not go through everything I have been through just to be quiet about it.  I will not watch others go through similar things while sitting idly by.  I will continue to write until the day I die because I know what will happen if I don’t.  This writing keeps me sane, and while I may take creative liberties with things at times, it’s only ever supposed to get the ball rolling.

With all of that in mind, I beg you to be open minded while you scroll through here.  I challenge you to see things through a different pair of eyes.  And I promise you, you will leave here wondering.  Because that’s all this is really supposed to do -- get people asking questions, get people thinking, get some of the thoughts out of my brain that have been floating around rent-free.

Writing isn’t supposed to be the end of a conversation, it’s supposed to be the beginning of one.  I encourage and welcome your opinions and stories.  And I hope you understand that this is me trying to give certain topics a chance to see the light of day outside of a doctor’s office or help center or hospital or any other traumatic environment we may experience as humans -- because all wounds need room to breathe in order to heal.  This is my way of letting others know that they are being heard while giving myself that same opportunity for space.  I’m hoping that in time, some of those from the past may trickle back in here.  But if not, then I wish them all the best and hope they’ve found the peace so many of us are desperate for.

                                                                                                            Love always, 


If you or a loved one is in need of assistance, please use the following resources to connect with a specialist: 

USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 (800) 799-SAFE (7233)

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1 (800) 422-4453 

Alcoholics Anonymous 

CDC National AIDS and HIV Hotline: 1 (800) 232-4636

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

Disaster Distress Helpline Online Peer Support Communities

Disaster Distress Helpline Videophone for American Sign Language Users

Gamblers Anonymous 

Narcotics Anonymous

National Grad Crisis Line: 1 (877) 472-3457

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1 (800) 656-4673

National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988 or chat online

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Options for Deaf and Hard of Hearing

For TTY Users: Use your preferred relay service or dial 711 then 988 or chat online

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration National Helpline: 1 (800) 662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line: 988 then PRESS 1.  Text 838255 or chat online

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